Human
by GlassySmile
Summary: An exploration of the process by which a arbiter might become a human. ChiyukiXDecim. Characters and Story belong to Yuzuru Tachikawa.
1. Chapter 1

It had been about a week now since Decim's eyes had changed, since Chiyuki had left. Human eyes signified emotions. A strange link to everything that had been foreign to him. Emotions bring with them a certain unpleasantness, pain. Pain was an entirely new concept for him. He had never felt pain before, nothing physical and certainly nothing emotional. This void was something new entirely. Emptiness, sadness, loneliness, pain. Every human that stepped through Quindecim had experienced these emotions, but never Decim, never the arbiter. How ironic really, a judge who could never understand the judged. Pathetic. That's how he felt when she had confronted him, attacked the way he did things. Attacked everything he believed to be right. Puppet and master…master and puppet. Who controlled who? He simply obeyed those above him without a second thought. It was how things were supposed to be. But now…now everything had changed he could never go back to the way things were. Her presence shattered the realm of Quindecim and he was left to sift through pieces.

The same thoughts invaded his mind constantly. Hashing over everything leading up to Chiyuki's judgement. Things that couldn't be changed, lives that couldn't be saved. Endless questions about what she was doing now and where she was. It was all too much. Glancing over at the mannequin mimicking her form he felt repulsed. An urge to destroy it seized him. But no….he couldn't. He couldn't destroy the only remnant of her existence that remained. Emotions were tiresome, irritating. They gnaw at you from the inside out demanding to be acknowledged, refusing to be left alone. He glanced into the reflection of the glass he was cleaning. Eyes peered back at him. Human eyes, not the cross-shaped irises that separated the supernatural from the natural. Could an arbiter become human? Could a puppet become flesh and blood and coexist with humans? Be one with them?

What even was human? Was it only a matter of a beating heart and a network of veins delivering blood, oxygen…life. Or was it much more than that, something transient. Something that couldn't be readily defined. He set the glass down. The object reverberated off the walls of Quindecim, echoing throught the hollow realm. It was a slow day. Plenty of time to contemplate, think, ponder. Perhaps too much time. Setting one hand on the counter and one where a heart should be he wondered what it would feel like to be alive. To be fully human. A heart, lungs, a pulse. In place of a hollow frame filled only with the memories of forgotten patrons, a life.

Yes, that's all an arbiter was. A puppet fashioned from the memories of humans. No, you aren't allowed to be human only to resemble one. A fraud. As far as he knew he was the only arbiter capable of emotions. A differentiation from the rest. These emotions had wreaked havoc. Ruined the order that constructed this world. An upset, anarchy. What could he become?

What could they all become? Would he be destroyed? Being too close to a human was strictly forbidden. The changed he felt inside himself was mostly internal, but still significant. One step closer to being fully human, if such an outcome was even attainable. And oh! How could he forget! His memories, soon they would be wiped. Soon the mere memory of her would be gone. There would be no hope of progress then. Her memory was the driving force to becoming human. The motivation, without her it was hopeless. The slate would be wiped clean again. Room would be made for the new souls, same routine. He simply could not let it happen. Glancing down absently, he realized he had been gripping the counter so tightly his hands were white. Slowly he let go, the feeling returning to his hands. It couldn't happen, not like this not after everything that had happened. "Ding, Ding" Two guests arrived from the elevators. Reality reared its ugly head again and Decim knew he must commence with their judgment. His duty called him. Later, he promised, I will resolve this. I will focus on my job at the present, but I will succeed in saving her memory without fail.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hello, welcome to Quindecim….." His voiced sounded more mechanical and detached than usual. Judgements, souls, the hopelessness of the deceased. One group after another bearing their souls to him. Offering up their lives unwillingly. Judging was all he knew. All he could know. Up until she had entered his existence and shattered its meaning. Destroyed confidence, opened new doors. These judgements were becoming more exhausting than usual. Draining, tiresome. It didn't used to be like this. They used to hold a certain neutrality. Of course, lives that were lived to the fullest he respected, but not much beyond that. A perk of being emotionless it would seem. Those days were over now. Emotions, humanness, they owned him now. How much could emotions interfere with judgement? Quite a substantial amount it would seem. Perhaps emotions were forbidden because they were physically draining. An arbiter that could feel a human's pain might be in too much pain themselves to ensure a proper judgment. He felt them dragging him down. Again the question invaded his thoughts, could he truly become human?

After his judgements were completed Decim hurriedly made his way to Nona's realm. She faced him when he entered, mildly startling him. It seemed as if she had almost expected him. "Decim, is something wrong?" She asked in a way that implied she already knew the answer. Her look was one of interested concern. It seemed her experiment was turning out to be more of a problem that it was worth. That or, maybe this is what progress felt like. After all, the emotions were working, what did she expect? Maybe some part of her wished the experiment would fail, that arbiters could never understand the workings of a human. Oh well, move on, business as usual. But this, this experiment had worked! Perhaps arbiters would understand humans, maybe even become one themselves…What an upset this would cause. Oculus must not find out about these new developments.

Yes, best to keep the results of this experiment to herself. However, it hadn't been completely successful. Decim was still far from human, but his current progress was not something to be ignored. She could see it in his eyes. The first signs of his change. No longer did he possess those cross-shaped irises. No, now his eyes were expressive, warm, almost alive. She realized with a start that she'd been staring directly at him. "Oh, sorry, yes? Was there something you need to ask me?"

"I wanted to make a request. I don't know if any arbiter has been allowed to do this, but please, if there's any way allow me to retain my memories of Chiyuki." She winced. Ah, another sign of humanness, attachment. Never before had he attached to any of his guests. Sure, he had that "interesting" hobby of creating mannequins of his patrons. But asking to retain a memory? This was simply unheard of. "You know it's standard procedure for all arbiters to have their memories completely wiped. A clean slate so as to ensure proper judgements." "Yes, of course." His small beacon of hope was slowly falling out of reach.

She studied him for a moment, carefully planning the next step to her experiment. "However, I think we can make an exception, there's still something I want you to do." Decim perked up. Yes, he'd do anything just to allow that one memory to exist. All her fears of ruining him an arbiter were slowly falling away. She would make him something better. She would make him human study the effects, how it progressed. He would be her greatest achievement. Oculus couldn't do a thing about it.

She smirked. "Decim, instead of a memory, a fleeting thing, how about an actual face to face meeting, a reunion of sorts." He didn't understand where she was going with this. "Would you like to be _human_ , Decim?" Her emphasis on the word "human" made something inside him tighten. "Yes."


	3. Chapter 3

Yes. A simple answer to a simple question. He wanted to be human, to breath, to feel a heartbeat, to be alive. Everything in him wanted it, yet, a small voice pleaded with him not to follow through, that disastrous consequences might follow. He ignored this voice. For once he allowed his emotions to cloud his judgement. "What must I do?" His voice sounded far away, hardly his.

Nona smiled slyly. "It's simple really, only takes a matter of minutes….." She looked to the side and her voice trailed off. "However, she side-eyed him, once an arbiter becomes a human they no longer return to being inhuman, ever. It's a permanent transformation, do you understand that Decim? Are you ready to face the hardships of human life? Humans are desperate, base creatures are you truly prepared to be one with them?" Her gaze fixated on his and she patiently awaited his response.

"I will endure whatever consequences my actions bring me." Her shoulders drooped and she sighed at his response. "Sounds like something you would say, well I suppose that's good enough. If you'll follow me please." Surprisingly, she led him back the familiar path to his judging realm, Quindecim. Once inside, she began walking towards the elevators. Decim hesitated. "If I may….I want to say goodbye before we continue." Stopping in her tracks, she shrugged. "Whatever you like." Folding her arms, she watched with mild interest as he made his way back to the bar.

She observed him as he moved behind the counter towards an object sitting in a chair, registering dimly that is was the mannequin Decim had created to resemble Chiyuki. Stopping directly in front of the doll, Decim bent down and sat on his knees in front of her. Gently, he pulled her hand towards him. The smooth waxy feel of it as disheartening as it was uplifting. This was not Chiyuki, it only resembled her form. Only provided an homage to her existence. It wasn't real and yet it was all he had. All he had until now. Now he had hope, hope to see her again, something he never thought possible. "Chiyuki….he whispered...please, help me find you." He clasped her hand in both of his and slowly released it to fall back to her side. He reached up and brushed the hair away from her right cheek. Her eyes stared blankly into his, unaware of his presence.

"I'm ready now." He stood and made his way back to the elevator where Nona stood. She uncrossed her arms and placed her left hand on the closed elevator doors. "This, she began, will be the key to making you human. An arbiter need only leave the supernatural realm and enter the human realm to become flesh and blood. As you recall, you are created from the memories of humans. While that inherently does not make you a human, it allows you to have a small connection to them. That connection is all we need for you to become a human. However, only an active arbiter can complete this process. For example, a mannequin who has not yet received the memories of a human and therefore not awoken as an arbiter, would not become a human in passing for the arbiter realm to the human world. It would simply remain a mannequin or in some cases, disintegrate completely. I know from experience."

Decim's eyes widened slightly. He had no prior knowledge of any arbiters becoming humans…..or failed attempts involving mannequins. "This has….happened before?" Her fingers spread themselves out upon the elevator doors and she looked up as if in deep thought. "Only once or twice that I can recall. An arbiter years ago, sick of his job, entered one of the elevators and…..well, Oculus was none too happy. He ended up returning as a soul to be judged some time later. Let's say his life didn't turn out the way he'd hoped. Probably would have been better off just staying-" She stopped herself abruptly realizing how much information she was giving away. "Well, it turns out differently for everyone I suppose, no use dwelling on the past." She punched the button to the side of the elevator and the doors opened promptly with an unassuming "ding."


	4. Chapter 4

Decim awoke in a store…..standing on a pedestal designed for a mannequin. He blinked as he observed his surroundings. A wide-open space before him of clothes and isles and other shoppers…other…mannequins. The store was brightly lit and generic. Clothes of all kinds found their place on the racks, presenting their various neutral tones to his gaze. He faced a sleek gray-tiled isle that broke off into the right and left in T shape. Stepping off the pedestal, he wondered if anyone would notice. No one did. Subconsciously, he moved his hand to where a heart should be. Flattening his hand against his chest, he felt a little "thump" then another and another. A heartbeat!

A human heart to pump blood…to pump life! The feeling was overwhelming. Now he was something more than a puppet with human emotions…now he _was_ human. Suddenly aware of his breathing, he inhaled thoroughly. Oxygen and life were interconnected, he now belonged to that connection. His musing was interrupted by a loud reverberation in his ear. "….ecim! Decim!" He turned to face the noise, taken aback by what he perceived. "Decim!, didn't you hear me calling you over there? I've been looking everywhere for you! This place practically falls apart without you."

A woman of medium-height and slender build stood before him. She wore a black skirt, black tights, a black mock-neck shirt, and black shoes. Her near black hair, save for the white birthmark, was pulled into a bun. Her blunt bangs bedecked her purple eyes. Blinking once, twice, he didn't respond to her question. Glancing at her name tag, he registered the name "Chiyuki." That couldn't be right, he hadn't counted on running into her so soon. He lacked the needed preparation. Not waiting for a reply, she grabbed his arm and began dragging him towards the back of the store, not giving him time enough to respond.

"Timothy's about ready to have a nervous breakdown in the storage room", she began. "That new shipment you ordered came in and the newbies mislabeled EVERYTHING." She let a dry laugh slip out and grinned at him. He started and glanced off to the side. Once they reached their destination, they stopped abruptly in front of a waist-high maroon desk attached to the wall. Behind it lay the storage room. A large white sign adorned with black letters that spelled "Help Desk" perched itself in the corner. A frazzled, thin, bookish looking man was painstakingly sifting through receipts. "I told them…", he seemed to be mostly taking to himself,…"Not to label anything until they were sure of what they were doing and checked with me first!"

Timothy seemed to be the well-meaning type. Someone who felt the compulsatory need to follow all rules and be on top of things. He seemed kind, but easily prone to stress and he kept nervously adjusting his glasses. "Why don't they ever listen to me? This is the third ti…..!" "Timothy calm down, I found Decim." "Ah….oh! sorry I didn't even realize you were there!" "It's quite alright…Chiyuki…Chiyuki said you were having issues with the recent shipment." "Yes, if you'd follow me to the backroom…I don't even know where to begin!..." Timothy's voice faded out as he led Decim in the back to inspect the damage.

Chiyuki was left at the help desk to survey the store and wait for a wandering passerby to need to her assistance. Her elbows leaned on the counter shifting her weight to her top half. Resting her right cheek into the palm of her hand, she tapped the fingers on her left hand onto the linoleum surface. The counter glistened, reflecting the dim yellow light above her. She studied their reflection and allowed her to mind to drift.


End file.
